Sunday blogger!

I don't mean to only post on Sundays, but that does appear to be the recent trend. I'll try to rectify that this week and keep you in touch better. This week's mad busy again, though, so we'll have to see...

So I'm pretty tired after a heavy week, but it was a good one. Monday seems a long time ago, but that's good because I was feeling pretty down on Monday. Sunday evening, just after Mettle Sunday, I crashed emotionally. I really don't know why, because the session went well and I had had a good day. I think I was just exhausted... I never really caught up from the Youth Alpha Weekend Away, I don't think.

But all the usual people swung into action to lift my spirits, listen to me and pray with me (take a bow Laura, Julie, Mint and Clare ... where would I be without you all?). And as I say, it seems a long time ago, which is good. I think it's still there under the surface, but I'm feeling ok.

So onwards. Last week was pretty standard, but very busy, and I enjoyed my "day off" again! I had breakfast with my mate James, then played some Xbox with him, before lunch (sushi, yay!)and a nice walk round the waterfront in town with Clare. Ok, so James is 16, and Clare 17, so technically it's work. But they're my mates, and if I choose to eat with my mates on a day off, surely that's a good thing? Well, it was anyway, I wnjoyed it and it gave me energy.

This week looks full but fun, too. I've got loads of one-to-ones lined up on top of the usual meetings, and Clare, Ruth, Emma, Cath and I are off to see the mighty Rob Bell on Tuesday... and I'm SO excited about it!

This weekend is the Student Age Pastorate Weekend Away, and I'm going as guest speaker, guest worship leader and guest minibus driver! I'm really excited about it, because it will be really nice to be away on a weekend that I'm NOT in charge of. I still have to write the four(!) talks though... maybe I should get on with that instead of blogging!

Pray for my week, and that I keep on top of my emotions...

Some reflections...

The last week has been really odd, and I've been doing a lot of thinking... here's some of the things I've thunked.

Time off. I think I've said this before, but time off just hasn't been working for me recently. I hate it, because I'm just not allowed to do anything. And yet, everyone tells me all the time, "you must have a full day off, you must have a six-and-one rhythm, you must observe a sabbath etc, because if you don't, you'll burn out." I agree that we have to protect our time, to make sure we're spending enough time with God, our families and ourselves. But what happens if we don't feel that we have this divine six-and-one rhythm built into us? Because I honestly feel that working this way doesn't help me ... it does more harm than good!

So I'm doing it differently. I'm not taking a "day-off" in the traditional sense of the word. I am going to take a day when I don't do anything that drains me, when I don't go into the office, when I don't do preparation or paperwork. But I think I'm going to keep doing the things that I enjoy on that day.

I started it this week, on Tuesday. I had a lie-in, then went to Woodes for lunch with Clare, had coffee with Emily and Ed to chat about the Student-Age Pastorate Weekend Away and then did a couple of Bible-studies with Ruth.

The net result? I had a great day, and I wasn't in a foul mood by the time Laura got home! I'm a people person, and being forced into solitide for one day a week does me no good at all. I enjoyed my "day-off" for the first time in weeks, because I spent it talking to people who I love about things that I care about and fill me with energy and enthusiasm.

Yes, you say, but you'll feel it the next day! I didn't. I woke up on Wednesday feeling very refreshed and raring to go, and I think that's because I spent Tuesday re-learning who I am and why I do this.

So, whilst I affirm the principle of a day off, no more for me. It doesn't work, I don't think it ever will and I'm not going to force myself to do something that drains me just because everyone else tells me I should.

That said, I have to learn to say "no". That's something else that God has been reminding me of this week. On Thursday, I was at Marlwood School for a Sixth Form Global Citizenship Conference, where I led a workshop on the Stop the Traffik campaign (I've talked about it a lot on here before). It went really well, and I'm not altogether sorry I did it, but I did have to ask myself why I'd accepted this invitation...

Marlwood School is not in Stoke Gifford. There are one or two of the St Mikes Youth crowd that go there, but not enough to justify going there much. The day itself wasn't something that I feel passionate about, nor, if I'm honest, is Stop the Traffik (we've done a lot on it and I want to see things change, but it's not really where God is calling me to be).

So why did I go? Two reasons, really: firstly, the guy who invited me started with flattery (he'd heard about our stuff at Filton High School) and turned out to be a top bloke. Flattery works with me; and secondly, I just don't seem to know how to say "no".

And yet, as I was reading the Bible this week, I saw that Jesus did. In Luke 19, Jesus met real people, in real places, with real needs ... and he looked them in the face and said "no". How? Because he knew that he had a bigger "yes" to answer. He had to get to Jerusalem. Maybe you can't answer "no" until you've answered the big "yes", until you know what you're one thing is. I thought I did, but I think it may be time to be more specific ... and be prepared to say "no" if something doesn't fit my overall aims. I suspect there will be more to come on this...

I've still got more in my head, but I think that will do for now. Sorry if it's a bit heavy... but, well, it's my diary so you have to read what's in my head!!!!

A promise broken...

I know, I know ... I'm sorry! I promised to blog last night, but the day just ran away with me (see below) and I ended up falling asleep instead. So apologies ... but here's the weekend update, 24-hours late!

I'll start with Friday evening, which was our Mettle and RE:fresh social, a live bands night in the Old School Rooms. And it was great!

The best count suggests there were well over a hundred teenagers there, and the evening went off without any major incident (other than one guy knocking a tooth seriously loose during a very exuberent moshing session!). Everyone was really well behaved, there was no sign of any alcohol and they really restored my faith in the RE:fresh crowd.
As for the bands themselves, they were all tremendous! Chaos Remains (pictured) is a heavy rock band made up entirely of St Mikes Youth members, and they headlined with a tremendous, high energy, high talent set of about eight songs... all their own work. I've said before that I think these guys may have a future, but Friday night just convinced me even further!

Not to be outdone, Destructive Mind (the youngest band on show with four guys from Year 8), Cobweb in the Corner and Sloppy Joe all did themselves justice and added a lot of talent and showmanship to the evening.

On top of that, of course, was the debut of my own band, Autumn's Child (pictured). We were thrown together VERY recently and only had two proper practices before the event. On top of that, the music we played was very different to anything else on show, as it's mostly folk in it's approach (not really a surprise if you know me). So with those things considered, the fact that we had some really positive feedback is remarkable! We did two songs, "Polly" and "Iris" (must move away from girls' names at some point!) and were really well received. Our singer, Clare, was really nervous but sang beautifully, and Ruth (violin), Tom (bass) and Ali (drums) also did themselves proud. And I was so proud, too. I've vaguely been in bands in the past, but never performing the sort of music that I like. With a bit more practice, I think we could do some more stuff... nothing major like gigs, but we'll certainly be looking out for the next church talent show!

This sort of event always challenges my thinking, because it wasn't designed to be overtly evangelistic, or even Christian, in its approach. All I'm trying to do with stuff like this is let the young people have a good time courtesy of the church. I'm sure it works, giving them a good experience of church, and even though we may never see the results, who knows what seeds it sows for the future?

It took hours to clear up, but it was well worth all the effort and I'm already starting to think about the next one!

Saturday was almost entirely taken up by the wedding of Ben Slater and Wiz Sammons, one of the curates at church and a close colleague. I was in the band, so more guitar playing and literally bleeding fingers, but, considering I'm not a huge fan of weddings, I have to say it was a lovely day. Wiz looked glorious and it was a really nice day. Please do pray for them... I know from experience that balancing a marriage and a ministry can be a real challenge, and you can't have enough support! They're a lovely couple, and God has so clearly put them together. It's always a joy to be a part of something like that!

Tomorrow's a big day. A bank holiday (lovely) but featuring the biggest football match in Derby County FC's history... the play-off final against West Brom, with the winner taking their place in the Premiership next year. It's worth an estimated £60 million to the winners, and extreme heartbreak for the losers.

I'm very nervous, and have a bad feeling it may not be our day. If you don't understand football, I'm sorry. If you do, you'll know exactly what I'm going through...

This week is half-term, which I really need! It's the end of the notorious Term 5 (I've survived for another year) and I seriously need to recharge my metaphorical batteries. It looks quiet-ish... we're off to stay with Mum and Dad for a couple of days and then not much else. Please pray that it stays that way and that God gives Laura and I the rest that I believe we so richly deserve.

God bless x

How to relax in three easy steps...?

Time off is so easy to waste, isn't it?

My day off is a nice concept, but it doesn't really work for me, for a number of reasons. First of all, it's so changeable. In theory it's meant to be Monday teatime to Tuesday teatime, like it is today. Occasionally, it's all day Tuesday. But it doesn't work, and here's why:

I love my job, and I love being around people. All the youthwork manuals say that I have to have a clear 24-hours with no prep and no contact. I'm sure it is the best thing to do for most people, but the problem is, I get bored just sat at home doing nothing all day, so to impose this model of time off on me actually feels quite damaging. What happens is that I sit at home stewing about how I'm not supposed to be doing any work and worrying about all the stuff that has to be done. I get frustrated then by not doing anything, so by the time Laura gets home from work, I'm in a foul mood and we usually end up falling out.

So I'm in the process of rethinking how I do time off. Far more important to me is having a couple of hours off in the afternoon (particularly if I'm working the evening). I need a couple of hours, 2.00pm-4.00pm, to myself in the afternoon to chill, think and maybe snooze. That time is far more important than this sacred one full day off.

I DO need to make sure I'm spending enough time with Laura, of course, so I have to have a minimum of two evenings a week at home (those days I'll forfeit my afternoon time!).

So I think I'm going to focus on doing those things, just working Saturday mornings and taking the rest of the day as standby time, and using one day a week to be non-office based, making a conscious effort not to do prep or admin stuff, but allowing myself to spend time with the teenagers if the opportunity arises. After all, that's my passion, that's what's in my heart and that's what gives me energy!

It's my "day off" today. Last night was a night off. Laura and I spent it watching Eragon, which my friend Lucy (above) has been raving about for weeks. It's a physical pain that I can never get those two hours of my life back now that I've wasted them horribly. Sorry, Luce! I just didn't think it was very good!

Anyway, I'm off to do some work... but only of the fun kind!

Talented folk!

I'm actually really excited about the Kate Rusby song that our random group of musicians are going to perform at the next band night.
Last night, after an excellent Youth Service music practice, Clare, Ruth, Tom and I stayed behind to have a first run through of Polly, the song we're planning to perform. And it sounded so much better than I thought it would! It's basically a folk song, which is VERY different to anything that's been done at a RE:fresh band night in the past, so we're hoping that people will respect it... I think they will, and that will hopefully open the door to other types of music in the future. We'll see.

But the three guys last night showed what fantastic musicians they are. Clare, who's singing, was worried last week that she "wouldn't be able to sing it as well as Kate Rusby", but she sang it beautifully and the difference isn't as big as you might have thought. Ruth was given my scrawled down version of the violin part just a couple of hours earlier, and yet played it flawlessly, while Tom didn't have any music at all for the bass part, but worked it out on his own and sounded great! Such a lot of talent!

Oh, one more word for Clare: congratulations, welcome to the world of drivers!

Today's a day off, a full, 24-hour, day off, which is, frankly, a miracle. I've spent the morning taking the dog for a VERY long walk, playing with iTunes and listening to some music, and I'm looking forward to spending the night with Laura and bump in front of the telly (still working on those photos by the way... don't tell her!).

A day off!

A proper one! No work to be done ALL DAY today. I've almost forgotten what this feels like.

I'm heading over to Nailsea in a bit to spend some time with my mate Mark and help him build his website, and then coming home to spend the evening with Laura ... the highlight of which should be the first episode of the new season of "Hustle", which I'm very excited about!

Zac is still in hospital and the doctors really don't know what is wrong ... he can't keep anything down and is very dehydrated. He may have to be fed through a tube. PLEASE keep praying.

Busy day ahead

Tuesday used to be my day off. How times have changed! Here's my day:

9.00am - Office, admin stuff
10.00am - One-to-One with Kelly
11.00am - Meeting with Dan Jones (Diocesan Youth Officer)
12.30pm - Lunch (hopefully!)
1.00pm - PBF (Lunchtime Club at Filton High)
2.00pm - Youth Alpha planning meeting with Cath Hetherington
3.30pm - Youth Alpha small group planning with Ruth Hepburn
4.30pm - Off for a couple of hours!
7.00pm - Mettle Youth Alpha + group
9.30pm - Home. Beer. Bed.

Little wonder I'm tired! Tomorrow will be almost as busy too... Day off Thursday - although I'm going over to Mark's to help him with the marketing for his Youth Ministry.

A young person the other day said, "but you must get loads of days off ... you've got nothing to do all day". If only they knew!