Some reflections...

The last week has been really odd, and I've been doing a lot of thinking... here's some of the things I've thunked.

Time off. I think I've said this before, but time off just hasn't been working for me recently. I hate it, because I'm just not allowed to do anything. And yet, everyone tells me all the time, "you must have a full day off, you must have a six-and-one rhythm, you must observe a sabbath etc, because if you don't, you'll burn out." I agree that we have to protect our time, to make sure we're spending enough time with God, our families and ourselves. But what happens if we don't feel that we have this divine six-and-one rhythm built into us? Because I honestly feel that working this way doesn't help me ... it does more harm than good!

So I'm doing it differently. I'm not taking a "day-off" in the traditional sense of the word. I am going to take a day when I don't do anything that drains me, when I don't go into the office, when I don't do preparation or paperwork. But I think I'm going to keep doing the things that I enjoy on that day.

I started it this week, on Tuesday. I had a lie-in, then went to Woodes for lunch with Clare, had coffee with Emily and Ed to chat about the Student-Age Pastorate Weekend Away and then did a couple of Bible-studies with Ruth.

The net result? I had a great day, and I wasn't in a foul mood by the time Laura got home! I'm a people person, and being forced into solitide for one day a week does me no good at all. I enjoyed my "day-off" for the first time in weeks, because I spent it talking to people who I love about things that I care about and fill me with energy and enthusiasm.

Yes, you say, but you'll feel it the next day! I didn't. I woke up on Wednesday feeling very refreshed and raring to go, and I think that's because I spent Tuesday re-learning who I am and why I do this.

So, whilst I affirm the principle of a day off, no more for me. It doesn't work, I don't think it ever will and I'm not going to force myself to do something that drains me just because everyone else tells me I should.

That said, I have to learn to say "no". That's something else that God has been reminding me of this week. On Thursday, I was at Marlwood School for a Sixth Form Global Citizenship Conference, where I led a workshop on the Stop the Traffik campaign (I've talked about it a lot on here before). It went really well, and I'm not altogether sorry I did it, but I did have to ask myself why I'd accepted this invitation...

Marlwood School is not in Stoke Gifford. There are one or two of the St Mikes Youth crowd that go there, but not enough to justify going there much. The day itself wasn't something that I feel passionate about, nor, if I'm honest, is Stop the Traffik (we've done a lot on it and I want to see things change, but it's not really where God is calling me to be).

So why did I go? Two reasons, really: firstly, the guy who invited me started with flattery (he'd heard about our stuff at Filton High School) and turned out to be a top bloke. Flattery works with me; and secondly, I just don't seem to know how to say "no".

And yet, as I was reading the Bible this week, I saw that Jesus did. In Luke 19, Jesus met real people, in real places, with real needs ... and he looked them in the face and said "no". How? Because he knew that he had a bigger "yes" to answer. He had to get to Jerusalem. Maybe you can't answer "no" until you've answered the big "yes", until you know what you're one thing is. I thought I did, but I think it may be time to be more specific ... and be prepared to say "no" if something doesn't fit my overall aims. I suspect there will be more to come on this...

I've still got more in my head, but I think that will do for now. Sorry if it's a bit heavy... but, well, it's my diary so you have to read what's in my head!!!!