Still blogging, but not here!

Hi everyone,

I'm sure you will have noticed that this hasn't been updated forever. That's partly because I've been really lazy over the summer, and partly because this blog is now in a different place.

It's now more "Diary of of Youth Ministry Team!" and will feature contributions from Trevor and Cath as well as me. You can find it on our brand-spanking new website, www.stmikesyouth.org. Check it out and leave a comment.

And stop checking this one. You're wasting your time!

Ant x

An explanation

My, my. Where to begin?

How about I start with the reason I haven't updated this blog for nearly two weeks. Quite simply, I haven't been able to because I haven't had a computer with internet access. My laptop got stolen in the office break-in.

Yes, the office was broken into two weeks ago on Thursday. They got into my office and took the laptop, stereo and quite a lot of money. They also got into the other office upstairs and took some stuff.

What upsets me most is the photos that were on my computer. All the other stuff can be replaced, but they were my record of all the work I've done with the teenagers over the last two or three years, and I can't replace them. Gutted isn't the word.

What's happened since then? Well, so much it's hard to remember. The stand-out thing is the Big Day Out, which, despite a slightly disappointing take-up, proved a massive success. The rain held off for the whole day in the theme park, and for most of the evening on the beach. Then the heavens opened, and we all got soaked to the skin. Didn't spoil the day though! There are some pictures, but of course the break-in also claimed the cable that I use to transfer photos onto the computer. I'll put them on here when I can find a way.

And the other big thing is that we have, as of today, broken up for the summer. I'm off on retreat this weekend for a few days, and then I'm going to visit my parents for a few more days, so I'm looking forward to the next week. Then a week of nursery decorating and a week of Soul Survivor. Then we're about back to school. It's going to go far too quickly!

Footie and sneezes

I have been blogging... I'm not sure why Blogger isn't displaying July posts. Watch this space, they'll all appear in one go (probably including this one!).

The photograph above shows the highlight of the last few days. Friday evening was our RE:fresh footie night, when 20 lads from St Mikes Youth (mostly RE:fresh regulars) took on the comparitive might of the Friday evening footie crew from church - tentatively known as St Michaels Church FC.

To be quite honest, I did wonder whether their extra knowhow and experience may mean a whipping for our enthusastic but young squad. Not a bit of it, as you can probably tell from the trophy nestling in our captain James Gardiner's hands. We beat them 3-1 and, I think it's fair to say, deserved our win.

But, even though it's a cliche, I'm going to say it anyway: the real winner was football. And not just football, either. Christian football. Most of the lads that come to RE:fresh are by no means churchgoers. They're just a group of lads. But the game was played in a good, friendly-but-competitive spirit, and everyone involved really enjoyed it. I'd love to make it an annual event, at least, and am currently considering the possibility of a St Mikes Youth FC in the Bristol Churches League. Not next season, but maybe in the future. I may look at entering the cup next year. There are some very good players amongst the group and I think we could hold our own. We'll see.

One downside was that I was ill for the game. I still forced my aching body through a bit of the game, but I had a rotten cold and really didn't feel well at all. I'm still trying to shake the tail-end of it now, but I think I'm nearly there.

What else is going on at the moment? Well, I'm still desperately short of leaders for next year, so please keep praying. I have had one or two postive connversations with potential leaders this week, so let's see where they lead.

Jamie Rawlinson, Trevor's brother, is on "work experience" with us this week. It's a quiet week, to be honest, but I still think he's been surprised at what has to happen to make a busy youth ministry like this one function. I think people generally are. One teenager once said to me, "but you must get loads of time off ... almost every day?" Yeah, right.

But I don't mind. In fact, I like it busy because youth minister is more than my job ... it's a massive part of who I am. I'm at my happiest when I know that I'm serving God effectively amongst the young people. God's given me a heart for this, so I can do what I do and enjoy it.

This Sunday will be a highlight. Claire Mill (pictured) is getting baptised, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Claire has really benefitted from the start of Mettle two years ago. Reflect wasn't really her cup of tea, but this has been. She's grown so much. She leaves Mettle as a member this Summer (although she is making a swift comeback as a Mettle Sunday leader!) but I can't think of a more appropriate way for her to finish her time with us. A baptism sums up beautifully what God has done in her these two years. It should be a special night.

Anyway, I'd better go and sleep off the back-end of this cold. Lemsip. Bed. Busy day tomorrow.

God bless x

Ps. Remind me that I have something to say on "answered prayers" that would make this post too long if I wrote it now. Leave comments to nag me, and so I know people are reading!

Big Update

So I'm posting again. At last. Didn't even manage it on Sunday this week. It's getting worse.

As a result, I've got loads to say. It might have to happen in more than one installment. We'll see. I'm due a visitor in a few minutes, so it rather depends how late she is...!

Where to start? Well probably with the Student-Age Pastorate Weekend Away. I was invited to joing our 18-25(ish)'s on their weekend away in Telford as their guest speaker, worship leader and minibus driver. I spoke on "The Nature and Character of God" and did it in four parts: an introductory session on the Friday night, "God is Love" on Saturday morning; "God the Creator" on Saturday evening; and "God is Holy" on Sunday morning. And I really enjoyed it! I felt a little like my teaching was going to a new level. I felt comfortable, relaxed and able to be myself, and also noticed the benefits of having done some serious Bible-study recently. There's so much in there that I'm excited about, and I just kept dropping bits into my teaching, which I've never really done before. It's one of several new gifts that I feel like God's giving me at the moment ... more on that later.

But people's response at the weekend was noticibly different, too. Rather than wanting to come an encourage me for "a good talk", people wanted to come and ask me to pray with them, tell me about how what I'd said spoke into their life, or what they intended to do as a result of a teacher. I felt like I'd moved from a guy who everyone wants to encourage to one that people really thought was capable of ministering to them. It feels good. Please pray that God keeps growing this new gift and also that I don't get all arrogant about it. I know, you simply can't imagine that happening with ME, can you...???!!!???

The other really nice thing about the weekend (apart from being on a residential and being allowed to go to the pub which, working with teenagers I never get to do normally) was that a lot of the guys on the weekend were people who were members of the youth group (Reflect, in those days) when I arrived in Stoke Gifford six years ago. I'm still in touch with most of them, but it was really nice to have then chance to have a proper catch-up with them. I also got to lead worship with Ali B, Sam and Nath. We used to do that a lot for Youth Services, but it's been a good few years since we all played together, and it was so nice to do it again. And also, interesting to note that we can all still read each other so well. It's fair to say we sounded good (on the occasions when I didn't stuff up the rhythms...)

I got back tired, as usual, but perhaps not as much as when it's teenagers. I didn't have to run the whole weekend which, in many ways, was a joy because in theory it meant I could relax. But it was also hard because it rubbed up against my control issues... However, a massive "well done" to Emily and Ed, because they'd thought of everything and it was a top weekend. A very fitting way for them to end their time as leaders of the Student-Age Pastorate.

Now, control and leaders ... both mentioned in that last paragraph, which leads neatly to the next big thing that's going on here at the moment.

Just as I thought we were getting out leaders situation sorted out for next year, with Mettle and RE:fresh almost there, we lose a couple of good Rock Solid and RS2 leaders! It's a tricky one, because we can't go on with Rock Solid with a team this size. I've spoken to a couple of people who sound keen-ish, but I'm panicking about it, and have a sneaky suspicion that God won't reveal his plan for who and how until I give it up to him. I'm trying, but it's hard! Pray that I would want to let him drive this ministry...

There's still more, but my visitor is here, so I'm going to give her my undivided attention.

Not so long til the next post, I hope...

Sunday blogger!

I don't mean to only post on Sundays, but that does appear to be the recent trend. I'll try to rectify that this week and keep you in touch better. This week's mad busy again, though, so we'll have to see...

So I'm pretty tired after a heavy week, but it was a good one. Monday seems a long time ago, but that's good because I was feeling pretty down on Monday. Sunday evening, just after Mettle Sunday, I crashed emotionally. I really don't know why, because the session went well and I had had a good day. I think I was just exhausted... I never really caught up from the Youth Alpha Weekend Away, I don't think.

But all the usual people swung into action to lift my spirits, listen to me and pray with me (take a bow Laura, Julie, Mint and Clare ... where would I be without you all?). And as I say, it seems a long time ago, which is good. I think it's still there under the surface, but I'm feeling ok.

So onwards. Last week was pretty standard, but very busy, and I enjoyed my "day off" again! I had breakfast with my mate James, then played some Xbox with him, before lunch (sushi, yay!)and a nice walk round the waterfront in town with Clare. Ok, so James is 16, and Clare 17, so technically it's work. But they're my mates, and if I choose to eat with my mates on a day off, surely that's a good thing? Well, it was anyway, I wnjoyed it and it gave me energy.

This week looks full but fun, too. I've got loads of one-to-ones lined up on top of the usual meetings, and Clare, Ruth, Emma, Cath and I are off to see the mighty Rob Bell on Tuesday... and I'm SO excited about it!

This weekend is the Student Age Pastorate Weekend Away, and I'm going as guest speaker, guest worship leader and guest minibus driver! I'm really excited about it, because it will be really nice to be away on a weekend that I'm NOT in charge of. I still have to write the four(!) talks though... maybe I should get on with that instead of blogging!

Pray for my week, and that I keep on top of my emotions...

Some reflections...

The last week has been really odd, and I've been doing a lot of thinking... here's some of the things I've thunked.

Time off. I think I've said this before, but time off just hasn't been working for me recently. I hate it, because I'm just not allowed to do anything. And yet, everyone tells me all the time, "you must have a full day off, you must have a six-and-one rhythm, you must observe a sabbath etc, because if you don't, you'll burn out." I agree that we have to protect our time, to make sure we're spending enough time with God, our families and ourselves. But what happens if we don't feel that we have this divine six-and-one rhythm built into us? Because I honestly feel that working this way doesn't help me ... it does more harm than good!

So I'm doing it differently. I'm not taking a "day-off" in the traditional sense of the word. I am going to take a day when I don't do anything that drains me, when I don't go into the office, when I don't do preparation or paperwork. But I think I'm going to keep doing the things that I enjoy on that day.

I started it this week, on Tuesday. I had a lie-in, then went to Woodes for lunch with Clare, had coffee with Emily and Ed to chat about the Student-Age Pastorate Weekend Away and then did a couple of Bible-studies with Ruth.

The net result? I had a great day, and I wasn't in a foul mood by the time Laura got home! I'm a people person, and being forced into solitide for one day a week does me no good at all. I enjoyed my "day-off" for the first time in weeks, because I spent it talking to people who I love about things that I care about and fill me with energy and enthusiasm.

Yes, you say, but you'll feel it the next day! I didn't. I woke up on Wednesday feeling very refreshed and raring to go, and I think that's because I spent Tuesday re-learning who I am and why I do this.

So, whilst I affirm the principle of a day off, no more for me. It doesn't work, I don't think it ever will and I'm not going to force myself to do something that drains me just because everyone else tells me I should.

That said, I have to learn to say "no". That's something else that God has been reminding me of this week. On Thursday, I was at Marlwood School for a Sixth Form Global Citizenship Conference, where I led a workshop on the Stop the Traffik campaign (I've talked about it a lot on here before). It went really well, and I'm not altogether sorry I did it, but I did have to ask myself why I'd accepted this invitation...

Marlwood School is not in Stoke Gifford. There are one or two of the St Mikes Youth crowd that go there, but not enough to justify going there much. The day itself wasn't something that I feel passionate about, nor, if I'm honest, is Stop the Traffik (we've done a lot on it and I want to see things change, but it's not really where God is calling me to be).

So why did I go? Two reasons, really: firstly, the guy who invited me started with flattery (he'd heard about our stuff at Filton High School) and turned out to be a top bloke. Flattery works with me; and secondly, I just don't seem to know how to say "no".

And yet, as I was reading the Bible this week, I saw that Jesus did. In Luke 19, Jesus met real people, in real places, with real needs ... and he looked them in the face and said "no". How? Because he knew that he had a bigger "yes" to answer. He had to get to Jerusalem. Maybe you can't answer "no" until you've answered the big "yes", until you know what you're one thing is. I thought I did, but I think it may be time to be more specific ... and be prepared to say "no" if something doesn't fit my overall aims. I suspect there will be more to come on this...

I've still got more in my head, but I think that will do for now. Sorry if it's a bit heavy... but, well, it's my diary so you have to read what's in my head!!!!

Youth Alpha Weekend Away. SO TIRED!

I've been a lazy blogger again. Sorry.

Actually, it's not so much laziness as extreme tiredness! The weekend just gone was the Youth Alpha Active Weekend Away, which meant a weekend spent entirely with 20-something 11-14 year olds. I have to say, it was tremendous fun and went really well ... but I've never been so tired as I was on Monday morning. It physically hurt to move. I managed to get out of bed for staff meeting, but only just!

As I said, the weekend was great. We had three sessions on the Holy Spirit, went sno-tubing on the Saturday, had a water-fight, ate food, played football and frisbie, and I preached at Measham Baptist Church - my home church and the venue for our weekend - on the Sunday morning. Inexplicably, I almost burst into tears halfway through my talk ... not something I normally do. I was chatting to Clare about that, and we thought that it was a combination of tiredness, emotion at being "home" and EITHER tears left to come about the fairly emotional story I was telling, or that the story tapped into something I am currently upset about. Not sure which, not sure what ... I'll let you know when I've processed it.

One more indication of how tired I was... on the way home from Derby to Bristol, a journey that I have done with no problem, quite literally hundreds of times... I GOT LOST! I took the wrong lane and ended up on the M5 North! Laura still can't quite believe I did it!

A quick word too, once again, for Emma, Ruth and James (pictured). They came along as young leaders and worked really hard. They really got stuck in and made the whole weekend far more enjoyable for me (even if James did keep me awake on Saturday night because he thought "there was a ghost downstairs. Wimp!). Also, Ruth and Emma kept me awake, too, but this time when they were supposed to ... while I was driving the bus! So cheers, guys!

It's the first time that Trevor has organised a weekend away on his own, and I have to say, it was almost flawless. Still, if you learn from the best...

And Cath was great too. She was very worried about her talk, but it went really well, and she was actually in her element on residential, as I suspected she might be!

There's stuff to update you on that's not about the weekend away ... quite a lot, actually ... but I'm going to save that for tomorrow (when I promise I will post it!). More to follow... see you then.

Posting... but not much to say!

It's been a pretty quiet weekend, and I really don't have that much to tell you!

I played cricket on Saturday and we lost heavily. I still bowled ok, and even made my first runs of the season with the bat, but in the end our pawltry 92 all out was never going to be enough. So I'm not going to talk much about that.

On Saturday evening, we had Laura's sister, Emily, and her husband, Ed, round for tea and a game of cards. It was really nice ... we really should spend more time with them.

Sunday was busy but not taxing. I played guitar at the morning service, then we had Wiz and Ben's celebration lunch. Then off the the Mix in the evening.

I was still shattered by the end of the day, as I'd had about two hours sleep the night before. The house behind us decided to have a late-night party ... and I mean late night! They started about 3am and were still going when I got home on Sunday afternoon. There had been a lot of alcohol consumed, by the sounds of things, and the music wasn't quiet. I gave up at 5.30am and got up to do some work. I'm praying it was a one-off...

This week's busy... it's the Youth Alpha Active Weekend Away this weekend, which includes me preaching at Measham Baptist Church on the Sunday, so lots to do and organise.

I might not have time to blog much, but I'll fill you in when we're back.

Keep praying for this busy Term 6!

Back to work!

Today is the day that I hit the office again. I haven't been in for several days, and I'm dreading getting back because I think I'll realise just how much work I still have to do for Term 6. The year is nearly is nearly over, but in the next six weeks or so I have a Youth Alpha Weekend Away, a sermon at Measham Baptist Church, a Global Citizenship Day at Marlwood School, a Student Age Pastorate Weekend Away (at which I'm speaking), a trip to see Rob Bell in Cardiff with fhcu, a Youth Baptism Service, Liz's leaving tea and the St Mikes Youth Big Day Out. That's on top of the usual Mettle, RE:fresh, RS2, Rock Solid, Youth Alpha and fhcu sessions.

I also have endless paperwork, letters and next year's budget to do. Then there's exams and coping with the young people's varying emotions through that, and the four people I'm discipling on a one-to-one basis, as well as setting up the discipleship scheme for next year. Seeing it all written down like that scares me. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it all, but I suspect God will have to be heavily involved!

I've had a good rest over the last few days, which I think may prove vital. I'm notoriously bad at half-terms, because I tend to just end up working anyway, but this time I haven't really done much... and for the first time in ages, I've really enjoyed it!

Monday brought Derby County's victory in the play-off final, and promotion to the Premiership. It still hasn't properly sunk in, that I'm a fan of a Premiership club once again, but I do believe it's where the club belongs. As a Rams fan, I'm eternally pessimistic, and am already making glum predictions about how we will fare in the big league, but who knows? Just look at Reading!

Tuesday was an interesting day, too! Laura and I had our 20-week scan, and were all set to find out the gender of our baby. Unfortunately, God has a sense of humour - the umbilical cord was in the way and the scanning lady couldn't tell! We were gutted, because now we don't know what colour clothes to buy! However, the baby is healthy, has all the right bits and is very lively, apparently, so you can't ask for more than that. We'll just have to wait until Laura's finished pushing to find out if it is a girl... apologies to those of you who have money riding on the outcome!

Then it was off up to Derby for a couple of days to stay with the folks, which was really nice. For the first time my allergies didn't really play up, which actually think may be because of all the weight I've lost since Christmas... my asthma's improved since I've been fitter, too! I'm sure some medical people will tell me otherwise, but until then, I'm sticking by my theory!

But not sneezing and wheezing meant I really enjoyed being there. We spent the day shopping in Solihull on Wednesday with Mum, Dad, Rachael, Dean and of course Zac! We ended up buying lots of (unisex) baby stuff... including an activity dragon that I think I want ME to have instead!

Yesterday we went to shopDCFC, officially to buy baby stuff (we got a "Baby Rammie" hat and bootie set), but it was really to get presents for me (including a rather splendid "Derby County - Back In the Big Time" t-shirt!

Then it was back home, and a lovely evening with the Hepburns and a mass of Chinese food. I ate too much, but went to bed full and happy. We're staying at Laura's parents for a couple of days, while our house is used by friends.

And all this made me think how lucky we are to have family and friends who are so supportive. My parents really spoilt us while we were away and are a constant support, Laura's folks are happy for us to gatecrash and stay at the drop of a hat and do so much for us, and the Hepburns (not family, but sometimes feel a bit like it) provided entertainment and fun in the evening, and are always there when you need a shoulder.

God puts these people in your path, and yet you sometimes take them for granted. We mustn't do that... they're all a part of his plan, and I feel so privileged to be so well looked after.

I suppose I'd better get started on that day in the office...

Just one word....

YYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!